Devotionals and Houston part 2

Shortly before Midnight, 27 Sept 2017

For over 20 years, since Jordan started Kindergarten, or even before, Julie instituted the routine of having a morning devotional with the Children.  It lasted about 10 minutes each day, and consisted of a short inspirational story for children, a few verses of scripture stories, a worshipful song, and a prayer.  On days when there was only a minute to spare before the bus came, she would kneel in prayer with them by the front door as the bus pulled up.

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Over the past two years, she has sometimes missed having these devotionals.  This school year the two “little boys” have been coming into her room for devotional, when she can’t make it out to the living room.  This morning again they sat by her, and she listened while they read, sang and prayed.  Afterward, Christopher lingered by his moms side, staring at her, chin resting on his hands, with her hand upon his cheek.  They were talking, I don’t know what about, but I ran to get my camera, and just missed the moment, as they finished and she withdrew her hand.  But I did get this picture of the boys with her.

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Although more stable the past 2 months, the past 2-3 weeks Julie has been gradually eating less, experiencing more pain, and becoming more weak.  This was very noticeable on out trip to Houston.  Aside from king crab legs, she didn’t eat much while we were there, and not much since.

She had her PRRT treatment last Thursday, tolerated it well, and slept for about 20 hours during and after the treatment.  The doctors we met with said that based on the test, the tumors were well differentiated and had the right receptors for the treatment, and it was likely that the treatments would work.  We returned home Saturday, and she has slept a lot, and eaten little.  I have pressed her hard to eat, and she pleads with me not to make her eat.  I assume the treatment is responsible for some of this, but I also fear that this was happening before the treatment.

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Japanese Garden, Houston

Today I took her to have an infusion of IV fluids to help her feel better.  It didn’t seem to make much of a difference.  Tonight she told me that she feels like she might stop breathing.  Her breathing looks normal.  I just wonder if her body is now dying.  We have talked about the need for her to eat if she is going to survive, she knows this well, but has no desire right now.  I  told her we could go to the hospital for admission and IV nutrition until this passed, and she refused this, and requested to stay home in her bed.  I told her that eventually she would die and pass on if we didn’t do something.  She said that it would be OK if she died tonight, and she was ready for that.  I don’t think that will happen, but I am full of angst, and so I write.

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A walk in the park, Houston

After we talked, we each prayed together, her voice thin and weak.  She looked up at me and whispered, “I am so sick.”  She softly and with so much kindness in her voice, thanked me for taking care of her.  She got up and brushed her teeth, and I gave her two pain pills, and she got back in bed and was comfortable.  I anticipate many more days together, but I don’t know anything.  There have been other nights like this, maybe not exactly, but similar.  Still, I am anxious, tonight there may not be much sleep…

5 thoughts on “Devotionals and Houston part 2

  1. I will continue to pray for Julie to have tremendous relief & comfort as she makes her way so courageously along this difficult journey! She is ever present in my whispered prayers throughout each day! I always pray for your entire family & keep positive hopes that this latest treatment will give her the quality time she so badly wants….we all do!!! I hope you all know how many people are mindful of your situation & pray with all our Hope &
    Faith for a beautiful remission!
    All of my love❣️ Celia Erickson

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing such deep, personal thoughts. Thank you for letting us in and allowing us to help when and wherever we can. Our family prays that Julie, you, and your family will be comforted and at peace, and that you will continually feel the Lord’s arms around you.

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  3. Brad,
    You and Julie are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could do something to help with this unimaginable trial. Just know that we love you both and want you both to have some peace through this. You are both amazing people who have touched our family’s lives with your grace and your faith. Love you guys!

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  4. Dear Brad, your blog of Julie’s beautiful, endearing, inspiring life and health struggles is a loving tribute. It’s a great help to the rest of us in understanding what she has been going through over the years. How grateful we are for you and Julie and your amazing family. You are an example of Love, Faith, and Family Integrity. We pray for Julie every day and wish we could make her pain go away. We love you all so much. Hoping to visit with Julie over the phone soon!

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  5. Dear Brad,  Every time I read your updates I get a huge lump in my throat  and often cry with you.  And  I also smile and feel  inspired and blessed. Blessed to know you and  your sweet Julie, and your  family.  I am lifted by your examples of selfless love,  love for the Savior, and amazing courage and faith… Courage to keep on trying and hoping, and especially the courage to share the tender emotions and “realness”   of  your heart   I realize it may sound trite, but I truly wish that  you and your family  did not have to have  this  painful trial!   My heart aches for , and with all of you. Of course your example extends beyond  your current situation.  I always enjoyed working and  being friends with Julie.She taught me so much about patience and kindness and Christlike love.YOU are one of the BEST, most faithful home teachers we have ever had!  We will never forget .  Speaking of  that, one sunny Sunday afternoon  I was sitting on our  front porch planting some flowers in a pot when you came over to see us.   What you said has stuck with me, even after all these years.  You said,  “ahhh, potting flowers… That seems like a very appropriate  Sabbath day activity…appreciating Heavenly Father’s nature and beauty.”     You may not realize it, but that was the very thing I needed to hear that day! I was missing my mama and I was feeling so grateful for the beauty of flowers and sweet memories they conjure of my mother and HER love for flowers  and at the same time   I felt a little embarrassed  that you “caught me”  digging in the dirt.I was thankful for your insight  and nonjudgmental comment. I know this is such a very very  tender difficult time for you. Just wanted to let you know that us Vogls love you..Julie Vogl Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

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